I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
