I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize