nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
