First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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