He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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