I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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