Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
