Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize