i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
