Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well you can't waste a boner
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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