Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
