So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
tell me about the eggs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
