im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm too high and old for this...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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