just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
