M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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