Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
