how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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