First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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