She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
