I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
