Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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