Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You work out of a Hotel?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
