hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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