I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
