Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
