You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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