there was a trapeze. enough said
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
