Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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