we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
