you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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