Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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