My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
