dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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