So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
