hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
