I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
