exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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