You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
