Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
