I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
