I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
