I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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