Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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