the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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