He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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