oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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