Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got chris browned last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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