I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
