Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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