I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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