she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
