I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
