Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
