wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
