hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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