I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
