Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
