So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
