I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
