went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't deserve a penis
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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