don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
