the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
