I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
