I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
