I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize